A glimpse of me.

Kelly Clarkson has a song on her newest album entitled "Sober." That song has like become the story of my life. I'm working on getting "sober." Not from alcohol, but from food.

The song says "I don't know this will break my heart or save me." I think this journey is going to and has done both, broken my heart and saving me. Sometimes you have to break open old wounds to get to the heart of it and let it heal properly. That is the hardest part. Too often we hide behind food to mask those feelings that we just don't want to or cannot deal with. The journey to a healthier life, is a journey not just into the physical body, but the emotional/spiritual as well.

"Nothing's real until you let go completely." How true. You can not get get over things and move on until you completely let go of those things holding you back and standing in your way. "So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving, here I go with all my fears weighing on me." This goes back to hiding our feelings, saving them to be felt for another day, shoved down by that ice cream or that pudding. The fear of the unknown weighs us down and we let it hold us back.

"Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers." I'm picking out and trashing all of the bad things in me, thoughts, feelings, fears and I'm uncovering and keeping the beautiful parts of me. The things that have been hidden behind the ugly.

"I don't know, I could crash and burn but maybe, at the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me." This part touches me the most today. On Saturday my family went for a hike. Something we haven't done in a long time because we got fat and lazy. We walked down the road pictured above, about 2 miles. At the end, I believe I saw a glimpse of me. I saw what I used to be, I felt how I used to feel. And I liked it. We encourage our kids to push harder, do more, do better, improve yourself, while we sit around and just get by with what and who we are. I don't know at what point we stopped trying to do better. Is this the turning point for me? Is this where I stop making excuses for what I have become and start doing something about it so that I can become who I know I am?

"Three months and I'm still standing here, Three months and I'm getting better here." That just about says it all. I'm still standing here. Facing those feelings hasn't killed me. I'm still traveling down the road to myself. It's a long, tiring and painful journey, but in the end it is going to be so worth it.