Parenting and whatnot

Today is one of those days. I am very frustrated with my roll as a parent. I mean, I don't think I do a bad job at it, I just feel I'm not doing enough.

I get home in the evenings from a long tiring day dealing with morons and I have exactly 2.5 hours to spend with my 3 children before they have to go to bed. In that time you must include homework, any errands that can't wait until the weekend, cheer leading for the twins, dinner, showers, laundry, etc. When am I supposed to actually spend time with my kids? By the time the end of the day comes, I just want to veg alone and pass out in the bed.

I'm trying to get the twins on a better schedule for school and help one of them with her homework at night because she's having some problems. But hell, every time I try, something else comes up. Last night I got home at 9:00 p.m., just enough time to rush them through a shower and into bed. Ahhh the joys of parenting.

It frustrates me because I have to work. I liked being a stay at home mom. I honestly like my kids as people and enjoy being around them 95% of the time. But I have to work for the family to survive and maintain above the poverty line and sometimes I even feel like that I'm just pissing in the wind with that. I get sick of there being times that my kids need me and I'm at work and can't get to them, I'm sick of stressing over who's going to take off work to take a sick kid to the doctor, dentist, etc. I'm sick of having to attempt to schedule after school activities around who I can get a ride for. I'm sick of having to tell them no because I have nobody that can pick them up afterwards.

I work my ass off all day. I just about hate my job and do not want to be here. I put up with so much shit here it's not even funny and it's a full blown effort to not take it home with me and take it out on the kids.

I even quit exercising a couple months ago because it was taking too much time away from the kids, the husband, the house. I felt guilty for exercising and couldn't get anything done.

100% mom
100% worker
100% wife
*sigh* there's only 100% of me. If I give it all to one thing, everything else suffers. There's no balance. So here I spend another day sitting at this stupid desk feeling angry, bitter and resentful because I would rather be at home taking care of my family, because I believe that is what I am supposed to be doing, all because we have bills to pay and kids to feed. One paycheck just isn't enough anymore. It is a constant battle between work and home, and work usually wins.