Wow it's been over two weeks since I've sat down and taken the time to blog. I started one last week and ended up having to stop mid blog and get back to work. I only have about 10 minutes this morning to do so before I have to get to work.
Work has been driving me insane. I'm only one person but they expect me to do the work of about 4 people. They most of the time appreciate what I do, but often forget what all I have on my plate when they need something else done. It's very frustrating. Also they hire cheap incompetent people that can't even bother showing up for work on time and give them chance after chance after chance to catch on. This usually lasts about a month or so before the person either quits or is fired and then all that extra work falls on my desk. I'm wondering if it isn't time for me to find a new career path but that fear of stepping out there always blocks me. Crazy I know.
Everyone says take the time for this, take the time for that, Am I the only one that can't figure out how to make time for things? Between work, home, family, etc. I'm tired at the end of the day, how many more things can I squeeze in? Why should I not get to take time for me, to sit and just veg for an hour, sit and just relax, take a nap, whatever? Why should every moment of my day be cram packed full of things to do? *sigh*
And now it's time to get to work.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Day one
Well day one of really getting serious about dropping half of my ass.
Nutrition:
I did really well until after lunch. I went to get my pineapples out of the fridge and ended up getting a piece of left over chocolate cake instead. Not sure why I got it. I think I was bored and tired and wanted the boost from the sugar. We went to cracker barrel for dinner and I had pancakes, eggs, bacon, grits and 2 biscuits. I did not go over my calories for the day but I did not exactly eat healthy food. Going to have to work harder on that and not giving into the afternoon sugar rush.
Exercise:
Well I walked 3767 steps, which is about 2.5 miles. That's not anywhere near enough exercise for losing weight. I sat reception desk today so I'm not as able to get up and roam around as I am when I can sit at my own desk. I need to get back into at least doing wallies in the bathroom but I keep forgetting to do them. I also need to take walks outside but it's hot as hell. Yeah that's an excuse and that's pretty stupid.
DH promised me a manicure when I lose 5 pounds. I really need one and I honestly will not reward myself, which makes me not work as hard to drop this weight so I have him rewarding me. Basically I tell him what I want and have him tell me how many pounds it is worth. Maybe it will motivate me more to get off my ass.
Ok, it's 10:20 and I need to get my ass to bed. I did not work out today. After dinner at Crapper Barrel, I felt all bloated and like bending over would make me puke. I spent the time well though, I calculated my calories in and out, THR and BMI. I have the current PM challenge written down so I won't slack off tomorrow in getting it done.
Nutrition:
I did really well until after lunch. I went to get my pineapples out of the fridge and ended up getting a piece of left over chocolate cake instead. Not sure why I got it. I think I was bored and tired and wanted the boost from the sugar. We went to cracker barrel for dinner and I had pancakes, eggs, bacon, grits and 2 biscuits. I did not go over my calories for the day but I did not exactly eat healthy food. Going to have to work harder on that and not giving into the afternoon sugar rush.
Exercise:
Well I walked 3767 steps, which is about 2.5 miles. That's not anywhere near enough exercise for losing weight. I sat reception desk today so I'm not as able to get up and roam around as I am when I can sit at my own desk. I need to get back into at least doing wallies in the bathroom but I keep forgetting to do them. I also need to take walks outside but it's hot as hell. Yeah that's an excuse and that's pretty stupid.
DH promised me a manicure when I lose 5 pounds. I really need one and I honestly will not reward myself, which makes me not work as hard to drop this weight so I have him rewarding me. Basically I tell him what I want and have him tell me how many pounds it is worth. Maybe it will motivate me more to get off my ass.
Ok, it's 10:20 and I need to get my ass to bed. I did not work out today. After dinner at Crapper Barrel, I felt all bloated and like bending over would make me puke. I spent the time well though, I calculated my calories in and out, THR and BMI. I have the current PM challenge written down so I won't slack off tomorrow in getting it done.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Slacking off
I haven't posted in a while. Guess I've been slacking off with everything. Letting too many other things take over and distract me from my mission...taking care of myself. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago. Fortunately all my blood work and blood pressure came back normal. Unfortunately, I've gained 12 pounds since last August. In all my efforts to lose weight, I have gained.
I almost hoped that my blood work would come back with something wrong, then I would have an excuse for being such a fuck up with my weight loss. I no longer have any excuses. Neat how those things are snatched away from us and force us to see our own faults.
I saw a video of myself the other night. I was 16 years old and had just had a baby. I looked good. At that point I thought I was horribly fat. In other videos I was older, heavier but in some, I didn't see that I look that much different now than I did then and yet I'm like 100 pounds or more heavier. I really don't understand that. How did I allow myself to become this. Where did my self esteem go? I must get it back, or I have lost myself completely.
That being said, it's time to get serious about losing weight. I've been giving it a half assed effort and I can not do that any longer. It's all or nothing, the way it should be. I can't eat healthy sometimes and exercise when I feel like it and expect my body to cooperate with what my brain wants. It's just confusing my body and making it hold on to what it has and that for sure, is not what I want.
I can no longer have my kids worrying about my health. I cannot have them concerned that I might have a heart attack. I do not want them to be embarrassed by my appearance. I do not want them following in my fat footsteps...one already is. I am a good mother but I am setting such a bad example with something so fucking important. How can I expect them to take care of themselves when I show them that I'm not important enough to take care of myself.
From now on, my priorities are changing. Now it is ME, kids, husband, work. I have to come first, or else nothing else falls into place.
Tomorrow is day one. We'll see how it goes.
I almost hoped that my blood work would come back with something wrong, then I would have an excuse for being such a fuck up with my weight loss. I no longer have any excuses. Neat how those things are snatched away from us and force us to see our own faults.
I saw a video of myself the other night. I was 16 years old and had just had a baby. I looked good. At that point I thought I was horribly fat. In other videos I was older, heavier but in some, I didn't see that I look that much different now than I did then and yet I'm like 100 pounds or more heavier. I really don't understand that. How did I allow myself to become this. Where did my self esteem go? I must get it back, or I have lost myself completely.
That being said, it's time to get serious about losing weight. I've been giving it a half assed effort and I can not do that any longer. It's all or nothing, the way it should be. I can't eat healthy sometimes and exercise when I feel like it and expect my body to cooperate with what my brain wants. It's just confusing my body and making it hold on to what it has and that for sure, is not what I want.
I can no longer have my kids worrying about my health. I cannot have them concerned that I might have a heart attack. I do not want them to be embarrassed by my appearance. I do not want them following in my fat footsteps...one already is. I am a good mother but I am setting such a bad example with something so fucking important. How can I expect them to take care of themselves when I show them that I'm not important enough to take care of myself.
From now on, my priorities are changing. Now it is ME, kids, husband, work. I have to come first, or else nothing else falls into place.
Tomorrow is day one. We'll see how it goes.
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