Fitness fail.

Okay. It's confession time. Again.

I have not stepped foot inside the gym in two months or more.

I have gained 10 pounds in that time, if my scale is right, though I question its accuracy.

I allow others to influence me and my eating and decisions to go to the gym, or not. I let them make excuses for me and just go along with it.

I am weak.

Every day I feel my health worsening. My bones hurt. My joints hurt. I find myself getting out of breath way more often and easier.

I have caught myself looking for a close parking spot, getting back into bad habits of trying to find the quickest, easiest, least physical way of doing something. How long is it going to be before I'm one of those people that just sits down one day and says fuck it, it's too hard to get back up.

My mother is coming into town this weekend. I am embarrassed because I have gained so much weight since the last time I saw her.

I have been fooling myself for the last year and claiming that emotional changes are just as important as physical ones. Bullshit.

I lie to myself. Yes, 5 M&Ms will hurt me

I pretend that I'm going to make it to the gym. Hey I take my gym bag to work with me, that counts right.

I have considered not attending my daughter's graduation next month because I don't want to embarrass her with how fat I am. I'm afraid people will stare at me and make fun and that I'll be the fattest person in the room.